And the Cow Jumped Over the Moon, Part II

By Richard Russey

And now, in Part II of my exploration of the sometimes befuddling behavior of supervisors, managers, or leaders who would seem to either overtly or covertly, or passively or aggressively (sometimes passive aggressively) derail your best efforts at being a responsible, effective, and authentic leader yourself, the going gets tougher. We are entering into an arena of behaviors that are not as easily countered or dealt with successfully. Yet there are still means of at least attempting to counter the negativity of these behaviors:

Querulous Demeanor
In these times of greater understanding and enlightenment around HR principles, standards, and practices, not to mention the increasing number of formal complaints against supervisors who cross the line with their staff, there are hopefully fewer incidences of bosses who demonstrate a true querulous demeanor. Sure, everyone has a bad day now and then, but the manager stuck in behaviors that are characterized by voicing small and petty complaints about personality traits, work habits, and personal work space, or are unnecessarily argumentative and dictatorial are a species at risk of extinction – but let’s be realistic, they do still exist. One need only walk to the water cooler to hear the conversations, in hushed tones, that tell the horror stories of querulous bosses.

The normal reactions by a direct report to a supervisor who exhibits ongoing and over the top querulous behavior include: defensiveness; protective posturing; a distancing from the team; a sense of limitation and lack of desire to go above and beyond; and an erosion of the desire to make reasonable efforts at communication. Perhaps everyone reading this can relate to hearing a co-worker saying, “Uh-oh, the boss is coming down the hall, I’m getting out of here.” Well, managers at a certain level do the same thing when among their peers. When the behaviors exhibited by a leader are such that their direct reports (remember these people are leaders themselves) scramble to get away when they approach, something in that dynamic is terribly wrong. Sure, it is often the source of rich humor for the movies and television; but to live that existence day in and day out at one’s place of employment or in any situation where you report to a “leader” is disastrous.

Clearly, these reactions of getting out of the way, defensiveness, feeling limited, distancing from the team, and giving up on communications are understandable. But, they can be extremely toxic to oneself and to your “down-line” team. So the better course of action is to remain as positive as possible and attempt to respond with these approaches:

• Examine your behaviors, style, and work habits that may be either intentionally or unintentionally provocative in the work environment. There are certain organizational norms around behavior and dress. Often they are written into policy manuals and are therefore a condition of employment. The point here is to engage in a self-review to determine whether you may be displaying passive-aggressive tendencies that are unnecessarily provoking your supervisor into the querulous demeanor. This may not be the case at all, but a periodic self-check, particularly when you are dealing with stress and friction at work is an excellent starting point.

• If you pass that self-review (and in order to be really sure, ask a trusted colleague to provide you with feedback in this arena), then you can safely assume that the problem lies with the supervisor or some other mitigating factor. In that case, a direct approach is usually the best manner to deal with issues such as these. Make careful notes of comments made, behaviors observed, e-mails sent, or other indicators that your boss is undermining you with petty complaints. Now, unless you want a full-scale confrontation (in which case the staff person rarely wins), do not present your list to your supervisor in writing as that would only serve to ramp up the heat and may prevent you from resolving this situation more amicably. Rather, use your list of observations as the starting point for a conversation about your concerns. Avoid accusations, but do invite a discussion that opens a dialogue about what might be behind the petty complaints your boss seems to be directing your way. Is your work otherwise up to par? Have you missed deadlines or failed to deliver on tasks in a satisfactory manner? These are reasonable and non-confrontational questions to ask your supervisor. Remember to speak from the “I” perspective. You can only speak from your own experience and feelings. So, a structural beginning for this type of dialogue could be: “You did ABC, and I felt EFG.” This approach avoids accusations that put the entire onus on the supervisor.

• If your boss has criticized you publicly (a leadership no-no), ask that he or she meet with you privately to discuss critiques of your performance. Keep bringing the conversation back to performance related to assigned tasks and expected deliverables. The more you are able to have your boss focus on those factors that are reasonable measures of your effectiveness and success, the better to lead him or her away from petty complaints. This approach also indicates that you desire to do your best to serve the organization and its mission, and to make it as successful as possible.

Narcissism
Without question, narcissistic behavior abounds among the ranks of leaders for the very reason that promoting oneself over the interests of others is seen as one way of getting ahead of your competition. The regrettable result is a team damaged by the narcissism of their supervisor – lacking in motivation, drive, interest, and the desire to give one’s very best to the organization. Narcissism is easy to spot, and its result cuts deep. When you experience a manager or supervisor who is obsessed with promoting themselves over the team (i.e. grabbing credit and attention), withholds acknowledgement, and uses the personal pronoun “I” rather than the more inclusive “we,” you can be fairly certain you are dealing with a narcissistic boss.

Teams who experience this as a regular “diet” quickly become cynical, apathetic, and reticent to give fully of their talents and skills. The sad result is a team that moves from high performance to mediocrity, among other characteristics.

Again, this is a tough one, and may require much more that an individual or even a team “intervention” can fix. There are often deep insecurities behind the narcissistic personality. However, small changes may come about by:

• Not acting in ways that overtly threaten your supervisor’s self-esteem. Challenging their ideas publicly, particularly when done with an edge and an intention to strike back or get even, is a road to nowhere, except perhaps out the door.

• Do unto others … that is, turn the tables, and engage in the very kind of behavior you would desire from your boss. Give him or her credit for those things they do well, and give the credit publicly.

• Mentor your own team of direct reports towards success then acknowledge them publicly, while making sure your boss is informed of their success. Being seen as willing to share success and to acknowledge others without apparent damage done to your own career may be a valuable and subtle lesson for your boss to observe and hopefully learn from.

• There is an old adage that offers the idea that a behavior ignored will eventually disappear. This may or may not be successful, but the more you go about your business and don’t bring attention to the narcissistic ways of your supervisor, the less inclined he or she may be to continue to engage in behaviors that don’t bring them the attention they desire.

Spuriousness
The case of spurious bosses has to do with behavior exhibited by them that lacks authenticity, is misleading or deceptive, seeks to perpetuate a myth for the purpose of power or control, or is two-faced (that is, different things to different people) in a disingenuous way.

Following the model of being the best “boss” you can be for your team as a starting point, remember to be squeaky clean in your authenticity and genuineness; acknowledge your idiosyncratic qualities or behaviors (we ALL have them); seek to be transparent, open, and honest with your team; and finally, admit mistakes when you make them – then quickly correct them.

Then, there are a few things you can try when you are dealing with the spurious behavior of your boss. Remember, your goal is not to play “gotcha!” with your supervisor, but to intentionally and with appropriate protocol address the behavior as a block to your effectiveness, thus a block to the effectiveness of the team, department, or even the organization as a whole.

• When you doubt the authenticity of your supervisor’s behaviors, never confront him/her with that doubt publicly. As with most of this section, there is a very fine line to walk when attempting to amend the negative behavior’s of one’s own boss. It doesn’t take much for these attempts to backfire. So, careful, thoughtful, and slow going is the key. In this case, a private conversation that attempts to get at the specifics of any given situation is important. You can lead with comments such as: “Did I hear correctly?,” “Do I understand your directive fully?,” “Is there additional information that will help me meet my goal of delivering this task on time and on budget?” This is an important time to put yourself in your supervisor’s shoes, and walk around a bit. IF your boss doesn’t feel attacked, and believes from your approach that you are genuinely trying to improve your work effort, the chances are better for a productive dialogue and outcome.

• This is one of the times that humor might help a great deal. In order to demonstrate your willingness to observe and learn from your own idiosyncratic behaviors, mistakes, or actions, it might be time to pull out a “story” of a time that you realized an unproductive behavior or mistake, were able to laugh about it with your team, and then move forward towards a successful outcome. This may subtly give your boss the “permission” needed to get “real” and speak with authenticity and transparency.

• Once your supervisor has put voice to even a very small mistake, or lack of transparency, or lack of genuineness, react without drama, come up with an idea to help your boss “fix” the situation, and/or admit a similar mistake you have made, and toss off a line that takes the pressure down a few notches, such as, “thank goodness we have opportunities to live and learn” or some such acknowledgement of the supervisor’s attempt at changing their spuriousness behavior.

Obstructionism and Turf Protection
Sometimes the negative actions of the boss is all about undercutting the down line direct reports in order to protect turf, or obstruct an action that will bring positive notice to mid-level manager. In this more difficult case of dealing with your boss, remember one of the rules of “jumping over the moon” – that is, by engaging your boss fully in your idea, project, or activity so there is a camaraderie that is developed from the beginning. During this process, give the boss credit for leading the team so openly and with success for all as the measuring stick.

• Don’t give your boss a reason to feel turf needs to be protected. I know this may sound odd, but often without knowing it, we may say things that claim credit for an important piece of work, or outwardly demonstrates your mistrust of your supervisor.

• Again, see your work as that of a team, and that team includes your direct reports as well as your boss. If your boss doesn’t have the time to be part of your team in a physical way, make sure s/he gets updates regularly from you about the progress of the project. By holding back on information until a day or two before your boss has to report out on your project to the CEO or other higher level leader, you will only exacerbate the feeling the boss may have of needing to obstruct or protect turf. So, make sure you share information fully and regularly so there is nothing for your boss to fear or protect.

Savior Complex.
Finally, some supervisor’s or bosses feel the need to be the one who saves the day by swooping in at the last moments and “fixing” the problems that you were not able to see or handle. There is a narcissistic element to this complex too, of course, but it may be deeply more troubling because it often occurs at the very last minute. I’ve known leaders who will spring the savior complex on a direct report and/or their team at the most critical and/or embarrassing times – such as at a team presentation of a project to the CEO, or board of directors. The boss with a savior complex may wait until that moment to point out flaws, and correct mistakes.

There is not much that one can do in that moment to challenge the boss. So, the best way to prevent this type of behavior is to go back to some of the earlier recommendations – to engage your supervisor in sharing information about the project or task along the way, to seek input from your supervisor along the way, and specifically to do a “run through” of any presentation for the organization leaders before the fact so that you have the opportunity to incorporate your supervisor’s ideas and thoughts before the presentation. In fact, while presenting the project to the organization’s leaders it would be wise to say, where true and accurate, that your boss was pivotal and helpful at various specific points along the way.

So, indeed it is possible for the “cow to jump over the moon” however difficult a feat that seems to be at the moment. Just remember the key ideas of inclusion, sharing, seeking feedback from your boss regularly, and acknowledging your boss for ideas and recommendations that have improved the project.

My thanks to a dear friend and colleague (she’ll know who she is!) for suggesting that I address this topic – a difficult one to be certain – but necessary if one is to successfully navigate the troubled waters of a supervisor, leader, or boss who may not always be coming to their role from an enlightened place, and is therefore making your job much more difficult.